Commitment within intimate relationships can be terrifying because we risk so much. Therefore, in order to truly go deep with our partner, we need to feel more than comfort – we need to know we are safe with them. Feeling safe does not demand being secure. Security seeks a rigid fortress of controlled stability. Safety allows us the flexibility to stop “playing it safe”.
Mere sentiment or material comfort will not suffice. We need to consistently feel their integrity, connection, and commitment to remaining present, even under difficult conditions. We need to sense within their core a unifying passion for love, depth, and self-actualization, through themselves and through the relationship. With this foundation, we can be assured that the relational investment of our souls will not be squandered.
True safety creates a relationship in which we can give our all without giving ourselves away. The more safe we feel, the deeper we can go. The more safe we feel, the greater the risks we can take. The more safely, deeply, and freely we can explore, the more robust and fulfilling our passions become. True safety invites us to fully bloom with all of our colors. True safety welcomes us to be in all our glory and our pain that we’ve kept hidden for so long. It nurtures us to heal our wounds, embrace our wholeness, and thereby become fully awakened and alive.
Without this safety, we limit how deep our intimate relationships can go. Without it, two things often happen:
1.) we may compromise ourselves by conforming to a fragmented and impoverished simulacra of intimacy, and/or
2.) our attention goes wandering – whether through workaholism, substance addictions, infidelity, or a growing emotional disassociation.
Some settle for enduring a mediocre malaise, whereby their spirits become dulled by dwelling in the doldrums of tepid, yet dedicated, relational inadequacy. Usually, however, our soul’s discomfort cannot be denied, and unreconcilable conflicts arise which call the relationship in to question.
Behind the masquerading social games we play, this loving safety is what we all seek. Deep down, the heart yearns to drop its defenses. The soul cries out to be held in its fullest vulnerability. We must learn to not settle for less if we are ever to discover more. If we are honest and courageous enough to commit to the depths of our souls, within ourselves and then together, then we can ever more safely and deeply connect with the transcendent bliss of our natural being.
If you’re looking to learn how to go deeper with your partner or just with yourself so you can go deeper, feel free to connect with me for a consultation.